


love note

by mother_hearted



Series: you count up all my scars (crumble them into stars) [3]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-05
Updated: 2019-11-05
Packaged: 2021-01-23 15:29:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21322462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mother_hearted/pseuds/mother_hearted
Summary: My Darling Claude,I hope when you read this the sun has not made its return. You promised me you would try and sleep.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Claude von Riegan
Series: you count up all my scars (crumble them into stars) [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1692022
Comments: 14
Kudos: 165





	love note

Claude's far from the co-dependent type but sitting at his desk, going through his usual excessive pile of documents, working late into the night, burning through another candle, he knows he's in no rush to get to bed when it's empty. No husband a large lump under the covers, who will wake momentarily when Claude slips into the room, who will fall back asleep and wake up two or three more times while Claude gets ready for bed. Who will grumble, or grunt, awake yet stubbornly clinging to sleep, having finally learned better if he doesn't sleep well the next day will be much harder than need be. 

Of all the field trips Dimitri has taken his youngsters on, this is the first and only overnight trip. He'd wanted to do it last season, had come up with the excursion and all the fine details with a fellow expert in the area. But he'd hesitated once it came time to pick a date. Fearing a bad night's sleep. Fearing what mood it would bring on, when he had to be responsible, a safe adult, who could protect them in case of an emergency, not become a threat himself. 

In all their time sharing a bed, Claude has never seen Dimitri become violent even after gods knows what nightmares he saw, what voices spoke to him. He withdraws deep inside himself. Puts distance between himself and Claude, not that Claude would dare touch him, knowing better, knowing he would be hard-pressed to fight Dimitri off hand to hand were Dimitri to become confused. 

Claude had gently schemed behind the scenes, to find Dimitri a natural sleep aid, to take for a week and see how he fared. Dimitri's resistance ended when Claude explained there was nothing addictive about it, an herb boiled down and drunk like tea. It worked well enough to inspire the confidence Dimitri needed and so his trip finally arrived, camping out under the stars with Celine, an expert forager of the forest to the Southwest, and his band of students. 

Claude signs off on another document, standing up with a screech of his chair legs to grab another bottle of ink. He grabs another candle to light, to replace the one that will surely burn out in ten minutes. 

By the time he leaves his office, newly lit candle guiding him down the hall, an ache rests in his temples. Low back sore from sitting for too many hours on end. He drags himself to the bath to wash up, scrubbing the day's sweat and exhaustion off his skin before he dips himself into the warm bath. Soaks his head, letting his hair get wet, knowing even as he gets ready for bed he won't be falling asleep any time soon. Maybe he'll read in bed... It's a rarity, though he used to do it all the time. Now he prefers to read outside while Dimitri busies himself with that ridiculous labor he so loves. Or flips a page with one hand, the other hand lost in Dimitri's hair, fingers petting his scalp while he dozes off in Claude's lap. 

He smiles, then laughs when he feels his embarrassment creep onto his face. Sap. Dimitri truly has infected him. With a shake of his head he stands, drying off quick and efficient, padding from the bath to his bedroom nude, pulling on sleep clothes from his bed's end chest when he feels how cool the linens are. 

"Let's see... Who's the lucky winner of my attention tonight."

His eyes scan the bookcase, recalling the last time he touched each book, when his eyes zero in on a letter folded in fourths sitting pointedly on the end. That wasn't there this morning. 

"Oh, Dima..." 

Claude grins, snatching it up and is surprised to find multiple pages when his thumb brushes the edge. Relighting the dying flame of his bedside lantern, Claude climbs into bed and settles in to read his love's latest letter. 

In a way, Claude is grateful for the time Dimitri rolled out his ankle if only because it started this habit, of Dimitri writing Claude letters like they didn't live together, share meals and a bed, see each other daily. It's the oddest way Claude has ever been spoiled, but he can't complain much, new to being spoiled altogether. Only in this past year has he allowed Dimitri to do so, allowed him to take care of Claude, to see when Claude needs care and nurturing of his own. 

It's been hard. 

Much like his dream of becoming King, it's been worth every struggle.

He doesn't read it out loud, prefers to imagine the tone Dimitri would speak the words he reads.

_My Darling Claude,_

_I hope when you read this the sun has not made its return. You promised me you would try and sleep._

Claude snorts. 

_In any case, I am looking forward to telling you how everything went. The children are excited, but admittedly, I think I'm the most excited child among them. This sort of adventure was a daydream of mine as a child too, you know. I could go anywhere and everywhere it seemed, except the places I wanted to most. I always loved the outdoors, but it was always structured time with tutors, other guardians. However, I can't complain. I was a lucky child, spoilt. In spite of the Tragedy that took my family from me, my childhood was a bright and loving one. I know not everyone is fortunate enough to get that. Surely, you already know all this. You teased me quite heartily after hearing stories from my childhood from Madeline. From my friends. Crybaby Dimitri. Yes, I was very fortunate. _

_I know why you seldom talk about your childhood. Selfishly, I hope you will tell me stories from time to time. Even if they are not happy ones. Your pain is yours to guard --_

And Claude swallows around an uncomfortable lump in his throat. Can see where this is going and it's just like Dimitri, to ambush him like this. Even in letters, his sincerity demolishes Claude's defenses. Suddenly, cowardly, he's glad to be alone. To digest this upfront desire of Dimitri's to learn and know more of Claude. He takes a steady breath and finds his place again.

_Your pain is yours to guard but I hope one day you will be able to share it with me. Admittedly, my lack of understanding of your hardships bothers me. That's not your responsibility to change, I'm not asking it to be. Rather, I hope one day you give me the chance to listen well and foster a greater understanding of the boy you were, to become the man I love today._

"Fuck, Dima. Just stab me in the fucking throat." Claude spits out, rubbing at dry eyes. Paper crinkling in his fingers before he continues on. 

_I love you very much._

"I love you too," Claude mutters without thought.

_I'm so grateful for the time we've spent together. For your kindness, for looking into the ugliness of my past and not flinching away. For allowing me the chance to change and grow, especially by your side. And now, I'm grateful to see your exhaustion, your joy, grateful when you voice your troubles to me, grateful when you tell me you need me._

Claude takes in a deep breath, wipes at dry eyes again.

_That you feel safe relying on me as I do you... I honestly feel like your partner. I truly do believe we're equals. Even on my bad days, when voices tell me otherwise, I can still look at the life we've started to build together and know it will still be there when I can fight my way out of dark clouds._

_We're so strong together, Claude._

_It marvels me all the time._

_I love you._

_Sleep well, and I'll see you soon,_

_Dimitri._

"Dimaaaaaaaaa," Claude whines to himself. "How am I supposed to sleep after this? You jerk! I'm alone and I still want to hide from myself..."

He sees him so clearly, even the parts of him Claude doesn't know how to stop hiding. It still feels threatening. It still feels close to the fear he carried before he confessed his feelings, before they got married. No longer fearing disgust but disappointment. And he knows, all this time, this is what Dimitri went through. Dimitri, before they'd even loved one another, still confided in Claude his most shameful truths. His desire for sex but fear of performing, of receiving pleasure. His difficulty accepting praise when he was atoning for the evils he committed during the war. Dimitri had done wrong, but Claude had never seen him excuse it away, sweep it away. He acknowledged it, accepted it, and lived to create a world where he did good deeds not to pardon himself but because he believed it was the right thing. Earnest Dimitri, whose splintered heart was forged back together when he saw he could still do good in the world. 

Claude loves him, loved him much longer than he can admit, knowing he was hiding, all the while Dimitri kept opening up more and more to him. At some point, Claude knew he had no choice but to do the same, had stopped performing, showing Dimitri more than he'd ever showed Hilda or Lorenz. Making him special. So special. 

And now they're here, working on being vulnerable together. Sharing the parts of themselves that aren't the best but are them all the same. Claude is still behind. Has protected himself his whole life but is trying to unlearn that now. Let Dimitri see his lows, but also his greatest highs. 

Can see the pampered spoilt child Dimitri was, grown into the loving and caring man he is today. They love in different ways, as products of their childhood. Neither is wrong, Claude knows. 

Dimitri loves Claude's surprises and plans, gives him free run over decisions for activities, trusts Claude to consult him when need be. Claude's expertise, where he likes to be in control, but he's learned to enjoy being surprised himself. Flushed with love when Dimitri takes the initiative to surprise him, tailor gifts and experiences to Claude's tastes. 

And Dimitri is sweet. Gives Claude the chance to not always be in control. Gives him space and permission like Claude gave him, to ask what he wanted. 

Dimitri loves Claude's good heart but Claude knows being with Dimitri has made him kinder, a kindness he never had the privilege to safely express before their love. 

It's funny, how they make each other feel safe. Claude, an outsider in a world that doesn't know what to make of his mixed blood. Dimitri, an outsider in his own body all too often.

Claude's brain carries on ruminating, on old memories together, conversations, promises, lovemaking, before he snaps back to reality, candle flame close to flicking out. He slides out of bed to smooth out the letters, add them to his collection in a slim booklet that will need to be replaced with something far larger at the rate Dimitri writes to him.

Claude crawls back into bed, feeling warm yet cold, needy when he looks at his empty side of the bed with a sigh.

"Dimitri... you've changed me too much."

Knowing the sight he makes but uncaring, he gathers Dimitri's pillow in his arms. Cuddles it tight and sleeps with the knowledge the next night he'll have his husband back in his arms.

**Author's Note:**

> Post-War Blue Lions AU where Dimitri gives up the Throne and takes a long sabbatical in Leicester. They fall in love and get married, shortly after they get married they start preparing to move to Almyra. Little ficbit just takes place in their newly wed life in Fodlan. Copious amounts of headcanon about their relationship to this point and how they've dealt/grown with their traumas. Unbetad.
> 
> If you want to talk about dimiclaude/claumitri please message me on twitter (diarthrosis) i do waaay better with one on ones than in group chats hhh and would love to make new fandom friends ty


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